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What a Washout! The Cruise from HellGisela Aydin If you’ve never been on a cruise and were thinking about throwing down a grand or so to board an enormous boat that will sail the seas for six nights and seven days…think again. Sure, cruises are an ideal vacation for some, but if you have a pulse, care even a little bit about how much food you put into your body and have any wish to actually explore the places you are traveling to, then cruising is NOT for you. My sister and I decided to take my parents on their very first real vacation. We decided to take them on A CRUISE. This was in September of last year. Does anyone remember Rita? You know, that little vixen that came shortly after Katrina? All systems were go, we boarded our ridiculously large cruise ship in New York City and were headed to The Bahamas. I could dig that. I love the Caribbean, I love water, and I certainly love the salty fresh air. After waiting a good two hours to board like cattle to the slaughter, we finally made it to our rooms. Our very tiny, tiny rooms. Soon after the food bell went off, it was to the troughs we went, along with a frightening number of morbidly obese passengers. And these morbidly obese passengers were piling the food onto their plates from the buffet selection as if tomorrow would never come, and if it did come, it might come with a food shortage. All good cruise ships have plenty of entertainment abroad and this ship was no different. After dinner we walked the two miles to the boat theater for the “after dinner extravaganza!” It was as if we time-warped back to the 70’s and the Solid Gold Dancers were the hottest thing since protesting Vietnam. It was interesting in the way Solid Gold Dancers are interesting. Following this we were shoveled off to take photos which would be displayed the next day for everyone to see and be available for purchase for a ‘small fee’. A small fee one could use to put a down payment on a New York City apartment. After two days of absolute boredom, and a very rocky ocean, we reached our first destination. CAPE CANAVERAL. NASA people, NASA. Unfortunately, Rita was raining on everyone’s parade so we shipped out early for Miami. The tour of Miami included viewing the devastation from Katrina and eating Cuban food. Next stop: The Bahamas. This was the one and only thing I was looking forward to. A private island off the Bahamas, beautiful crystal clear waters, a beach BBQ and FUN IN THE SUN!! We sailed rough seas all night long, Dramamine was the drug of choice and booze was just not an option. But it would all be worth it when we touched land in the stunning Caribbean. I rolled out of my tiny little bed, started to gather my things and was interrupted by an announcement from the Captain that went something like this: Yes. The whole thing was washed away. As you might imagine, the return trip (3 days straight on that horrendous ship) found me to be quite cranky and miserable. The ice-cold salt-water pool with accompanying obese German men in Speedos was NOT cutting it for me.
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Drive-Thru Travel 
